Close Escape
Madness Lyrics


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That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate.
Something less conspicuous, won`t take up too much time,
Something less energetic, for what I`ve got in mind.
I won`t be too persistent `cos I`m not that way inclined.
See, that`s the one for me. Look under "Collins" see if she`s free.
Sweaty fingers find 5p 4151683
"Hello Miss Collins you`ll not know me. I`m in the undies
Business, see? Please please can you tell me the size; how
Far from the knee?"

Oh dear dear, me luck is running thin.
I`ll take another name I might have a win.
What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in.

See, that`s the one for me. Look under "Dickens" CFG.
See if she`ll speak to me. Hand`s get shakey eye`s can`t see.
Having trouble find 5p 2171983
"Hello Miss Dickens you`ll not know me, I`m in the undies
Business, see?"

Feel more relaxed now here we go again.
Hoi! No temporaries I`ve heard most take me in.

Oh dear dear me, that is the one it fits.
So please please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me.
In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me.
Please don`t think me rude, I only hear don`t want to see.

See, that`s the one for me. That was quick, too quick for me.
Of that I can see, wash me laundry oh bugger me!
Sugar or milk with your tea? No I couldn`t, well I`ll see.
What`s your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea.

I`ll give it one last chance I think you`ll all agree.
I`m getting nowhere here, on my last 5p.
I`m sick of waiting for ages nothing interests me.
I`ll ring another number, make sure it`s a she.
Here we go again, I`ll give it 3rd degree.




No hard feelings oh yes I`m sure you`ll all agree.
I`ll take another name I might have a win.

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Madness's "Close Escape" describe a man's desperate search for a new hobby that is less conspicuous and less energetic than his current undertaking. He decides to try his luck with a phonebook and randomly chooses a woman to call and ask about the size and fit of underwear. The first woman he calls is named Collins, and he fumbles with sweaty fingers to find a five-pence coin to use the payphone. When he finally reaches her, he stumbles through his words, claiming to be in the "undies business" and asking for the measurements. He is unsuccessful in his attempt and decides to try again with another woman named Dickens, but he still can't find success. He becomes increasingly desperate as he runs out of options and money, attempting to find any woman who will speak to him about underwear.


The song's lyrics tell a comical story that highlights the singer's awkwardness and desperation as he attempts to find a new hobby. The humorous tone of the lyrics is emphasized by the upbeat and playful music that accompanies them. The song portrays a sense of lightheartedness and absurdity, offering listeners an entertaining story to follow along with.


Line by Line Meaning

That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate.
I need to find something else to do that is less risky and suspicious than what I've been doing.


Something less conspicuous, won`t take up too much time,
I need a hobby that I can do in secret and won't consume too much of my time.


Something less energetic, for what I`ve got in mind.
I need a hobby that doesn't require much effort because I have other things on my mind.


I won`t be too persistent `cos I`m not that way inclined.
I won't keep trying too hard because it's not in my nature.


See, that`s the one for me. Look under "Collins" see if she`s free.
I've found someone that I want to contact. I'm going to check if they're available.


Sweaty fingers find 5p 4151683
I'm nervous and fumbling with my coins to make the call.


"Hello Miss Collins you`ll not know me. I`m in the undies Business, see? Please please can you tell me the size; how Far from the knee?"
I'm pretending to be a salesperson of women's undergarments and requesting a specific size.


Oh dear dear, me luck is running thin.
I'm starting to lose hope and think that my luck is running out.


I`ll take another name I might have a win.
I'm going to try a different name in the hopes of getting a positive result.


What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in.
I'm worried that someone else will call this number and get the information I need before I do.


Hand`s get shakey eye`s can`t see.
I'm starting to get nervous and my hands are trembling, making it difficult to see.


"Hello Miss Dickens you`ll not know me, I`m in the undies Business, see?"
I'm using the same strategy as before to try and obtain the information I need.


Feel more relaxed now here we go again.
I'm feeling more at ease and ready to try again.


Hoi! No temporaries I`ve heard most take me in.
I want to make sure that the person I'm talking to is not temporary or new to the job because they might ask too many questions.


So please please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me.
I'm requesting the customer's opinion on the texture of the product to make it seem like a legitimate sales call.


In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me.
I'm in a vulnerable, uncomfortable situation and I'm asking the customer to be patient with me.


Please don`t think me rude, I only hear don`t want to see.
I want to avoid seeing the customer, so I'm trying to come across as polite and professional.


That was quick, too quick for me. Of that I can see, wash me laundry oh bugger me!
I realize that the call was too short and something must have gone wrong. I'm becoming frustrated and upset.


Sugar or milk with your tea? No I couldn`t, well I`ll see.
I'm attempting to make small talk to avoid sounding suspicious or rude.


What`s your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea.
I'm pretending to be interested in the customer's hobbies to build rapport and make it seem like a normal conversation. I'm planning to meet with them later.


I`ll give it one last chance I think you`ll all agree.
I'm making one final attempt to obtain the information I need.


I`m getting nowhere here, on my last 5p.
I've nearly run out of coins, and I still have not been successful in getting the information.


I`m sick of waiting for ages nothing interests me.
I'm getting impatient and frustrated with this process.


I`ll ring another number, make sure it`s a she.
I'm going to try a different phone number and hope that the person who answers is female.


Here we go again, I`ll give it 3rd degree.
I'm going to try again, but this time I'm going to ask more questions to get the information I need.


No hard feelings oh yes I`m sure you`ll all agree.
I'm trying to end the conversation on a positive note to avoid sounding suspicious or rude.


I`ll take another name I might have a win.
I'm going to try one more time with a different name in the hopes of finally getting the information I need.




Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: CATHAL JOSEPH SMYTH, CHRISTOPHER FOREMAN, CHRISTOPHER JOHN FOREMAN, DANIEL MARK WOODGATE, GRAHAM MCPHERSON, LEE THOMPSON, LEE JAY THOMPSON, MARK WILLIAM BEDFORD, MICHAEL BARSON

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Most interesting comment from YouTube:

Patrick Stocks

That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate
Something less conspicuous, won’t take up too much time
Something less energetic, for what I’ve got in mind
I won’t be too persistent ‘cos I’m not that way inclined
See, that’s the one for me. Look under “Collins” see if she’s free
Sweaty fingers find 5p 4151683
“Hello Miss Collins you’ll not know me. I’m in the undies
Business, see? Please please can you tell me the size; how
Far from the knee?”

Oh dear dear, me luck is running thin
I’ll take another name I might have a win
What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in

See, that’s the one for me. Look under “Dickens” CFG
See if she’ll speak to me. Hands get shakey eyes can’t see
Having trouble find 5p 2171983
“Hello Miss Dickens you’ll not know me, I’m in the undies
Business, see?”

Foot more relaxed now here we go again
Hoi! No temporaries I’ve heard most take me in

Oh dear dear me, that is the one it fits
So please please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me
In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me
Please don’t think me rude, I only hear don’t want to see

See, that’s the one for me. That was quick, too quick for me
Of that I can see, wash me laundry oh bugger me!
Sugar or milk with your tea? No I couldn’t, well I’ll see
What’s your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea 🍵

I’ll give it one last chance I think you’ll all agree
I’m getting nowhere here, on my last 5p
I’m sick of waiting for ages nothing interests me
I’ll ring another number, make sure it’s a she
Here we go again. I’ll give it 3rd degree 📜
No hard feelings oh yes I’m sure you’ll all agree
I’ll take another name I might have a win



All comments from YouTube:

Steven Grange

True music standing the test of time. Still sounds as good now as it did in1980. Wounder how many of today's manufactured pop shite will still be around in 20 years making albums. Long live the Nutty Boys.

J eagles

Moorm Madness are back and play live regularly

johnny b

@HowlingDeath
No Doubt did some ska in their early days but later became more pop/rock orientated. Here is one of their ska songs (live) from 1992. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOawQAEJpo4

johnny b

@Moorm
There are loads. https://www.reddit.com/r/Ska/comments/3pgep5/any_suggestions_on_some_modern_ska_bands/

Matty Moore

johnny b I dunno any ska bands or artist that make music to this day. Any suggestions?

johnny b

+mSteven Grange
Ska has been described as a music that "just won't go away". It's nearly 60 years old now, and not many music genres as old as that have kept resurfacing in the way ska has, and long may it continue!

Arqabass

Probably the coolest band ever...

Neal O'Gorman

Remember in the 1980s when people used to do this...I was at work one lunch time and a bloke phoned up the receptionist and started asking all questions about her knickers....and she was answering them. I was rolling on the floor.

Shane The Train

So this song is about a pervert?

David Hunter

This album has so many memories for me it's just the nuttiest sound around 😎 Madness Absolutely 😎 long live the nutty boys forever 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

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