The New Vaudeville Band was a group created by songwriter Geoff Stephens in… Read Full Bio ↴The New Vaudeville Band was a group created by songwriter Geoff Stephens in 1966 to record his novelty composition "Winchester Cathedral", a song inspired by the dance bands of the 1920s. To his surprise, the song became a huge international hit, rising to #1 in the United States.

When Stephens received several requests for The New Vaudeville Band to tour he had to put together a group, since the song was recorded by studio musicians hired only for the recording session. He contacted a real group, the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, which played similar music at the time. Only Bob Kerr from that group was interested, so he left The Bonzos to help Stephens form a touring version of The New Vaudeville Band. The lead singer of the touring version of the group was Alan Klein, who was billed as 'Tristram—Seventh Earl Of Cricklewood'. The group enjoyed success for two years until the novelty wore off. Kerr then formed his own group, Bob Kerr's Whoopee Band, which continues to perform.

In 1967, The New Vaudeville Band released the Finchley Central LP.

Whatever Happened to Phyllis Puke?
New Vaudeville Band Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

I'm looking for a darling to share my early-morning tea,
A scintillating darling who'll come along and baby me:
She's got to be a girl who's a thoroughbred,
Who'll bring me my cocoa when it's time for bed
And entertain the Duchess and Duke,
And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?

They call me Dashing Dennis with a gleaming white smile,

And when I'm out playing tennis with Lord and Lady de Lyle
I wish I had a cutie of my very own
To pour me out a port and lemon when I get home
And fix the dinner with the cook,
And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?

So I went to see the parson to ask his advice,
I said I'm looking for a darling who's got to be awfully nice,
For I'm a gay young bachelor of thirty-three
And everybody in the village talks about me
And gives me peculiar looks,
And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?

Whatever did happen to Phyllis Puke? Well, wasn't she the one who ran off with that colonial bus conductor chappie from Brixton?

Overall Meaning

The New Vaudeville Band’s “Whatever Happened to Phyllis Puke?” is a humorous and tongue-in-cheek take on the search for a perfect partner. The lyrics focus on the singer’s desire for a woman who will take care of him, from making him cocoa to entertaining his titled friends. It's a reflection of a specific type of man looking for a specific type of woman – someone who is subservient to his needs and desires. He envisions himself as a dapper gentleman, “Dashing Dennis,” who plays tennis with Lord and Lady de Lyle, and needs a woman to come home to after a long day of being adored by his high society friends.

The singer’s search for this perfect mate is both comedic and melodramatic. He goes to see the parson to seek advice on finding a girl who is “awfully nice.” The implication is that he has not had great success in his search so far, and he is aware of people talking about him behind his back. The song ends with a funny twist - the singer remembers Phyllis Puke, who he questions what happened to her, only to jokingly speculate that she had run off with a colonial bus conductor from Brixton.

Line by Line Meaning

I'm looking for a darling to share my early-morning tea,
I am seeking a charming companion to share my morning tea.

A scintillating darling who'll come along and baby me:
I desire someone fascinating who will pamper and care for me.

She's got to be a girl who's a thoroughbred,
My ideal companion must possess supreme qualities.

Who'll bring me my cocoa when it's time for bed
She should bring me my cocoa before bedtime.

And entertain the Duchess and Duke,
She is expected to amuse the prominent and elite guests.

And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?
This thought leads me to ponder whatever became of Phyllis Puke.

They call me Dashing Dennis with a gleaming white smile,
I am referred to as Dashing Dennis, with a shining white smile.

And when I'm out playing tennis with Lord and Lady de Lyle
When playing tennis with Lord and Lady de Lyle,

I wish I had a cutie of my very own
I desire a sweetheart for myself.

To pour me out a port and lemon when I get home
She should serve me a drink upon my return.

And fix the dinner with the cook,
She should manage the kitchen with the cook.

And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?
This leads me to think about what might have occurred with Phyllis Puke.

So I went to see the parson to ask his advice,
I consulted the clergyman to seek his guidance.

I said I'm looking for a darling who's got to be awfully nice,
I told him that I desire an attractive and kind companion.

For I'm a gay young bachelor of thirty-three
I am a cheerful, unmarried person of thirty-three.

And everybody in the village talks about me
The village residents often discuss me.

And gives me peculiar looks,
They give me strange glances.

And that reminds me, whatever happened to Phyllis Puke?
This makes me recall and wonder about Phyllis Puke's fate.

Whatever did happen to Phyllis Puke? Well, wasn't she the one who ran off with that colonial bus conductor chappie from Brixton?
I recollect that Phyllis Puke left with a colonial bus conductor from Brixton.

Writer(s): Geoff Stephens, Alan Charles Klein

Contributed by Jack J. Suggest a correction in the comments below.

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