Christopher Columbo
Salty Dick Lyrics
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He walked the dirty streets of Spain and shat in every alley.
At that time reigned a fair young queen of Spain, named Isabella,
Who cast an amoroshus glance at Chris, the smart young fella.
He knew the world was round-o.
His balls did touch the ground-o.
That syphilitic, hypocritic, son-of-a-bitch Columbo.
But what she wanted most to do was fuck in the prone position.
The Queen of Spain then said to him she'd give him ships and cargo,
He said, "I'll kiss your royal ass if I don't bring back Chicago."
He knew the world was round-o.
The queenly cunt he'd pound-o.
That fornicating, royal-mating son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Three little ships set out to sea, each one a double-decker.
The queen she waved the royal flag, Columbo waved his pecker.
Columbo paced upon the deck, he knew it was his duty.
He took in whang into his hand and said, "Ain't that a beauty!"
He knew the world was round-o.
That sailors could be browned-o.
That dirty lecher, asshole stretcher son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Columbo had a second mate he loved just like a brother,
And every night below the decks they bung-holed one another.
The fourteen-year-old cabin boy, that dirty little nipper,
Shoved powdered glass right up his ass and circumcised the skipper.
He knew the world was round-o.
His pecker it was ground-o.
That bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
For forty days and forty nights they sailed the broad Atlantic,
Until at last for a piece of ass the whole crew it grew frantic.
A mermaid came a-swimming by, the crew let out a holler,
And when they tossed her back to sea she'd made ten thousand dollars.
He knew the world was round-o.
That tail-o could be found-o.
That navigating, masturbating, son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
An Indian maid appeared on shore, Columbo soon pursued her.
The white of an egg rolled down her leg, the son-of-a-bitch, he screwed her.
And when he got back home to Spain to tell of his adventures,
Queen Isabella sucked him off, of course without her dentures.
He knew the world was round-o.
His dangling dong was crowned-o.
That syphilitic, hypocritic,
fornicating, royal-mating,
dirty lecher, asshole stretcher,
bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker,
navigating, masturbating,
son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
The lyrics of Salty Dick's song "Christopher Columbo" are a satirical take on the story of Christopher Columbus, the Italian explorer who is credited with discovering America. The first verse describes Columbus as a sailor from Italy who walked the dirty streets of Spain and shat in every alley. The second verse talks about how Columbus went to the queen of Spain with a proposal to explore the world, but what she really wanted to do was have sex with him. The chorus repeats that he knew the world was round and that he was a syphilitic, hypocritical, fornicating, royal-mating, dirty lecher, asshole stretcher, bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker, navigating, masturbating son-of-a-bitch.
The next few verses describe Columbus's journey across the Atlantic Ocean, where he and his crew grew increasingly horny. They encountered a mermaid who they tossed back into the sea after she made them ten thousand dollars, and an Indian maid who Columbus slept with and brought back to Spain with him. The song ends with Queen Isabella performing oral sex on Columbus after he tells her about his adventures.
Overall, these lyrics are a humorous take on Columbus's story, portraying him as a promiscuous and vulgar man instead of the heroic figure he is often depicted as. The use of explicit language and sexual themes show a deliberate attempt to subvert the traditional narrative of Columbus's discovery of America.
Line by Line Meaning
In fourteen hundred ninety-two a sailor from Italy,
In 1492, an Italian sailor set sail.
He walked the dirty streets of Spain and shat in every alley.
He walked the streets of Spain and defecated in public.
At that time reigned a fair young queen of Spain, named Isabella,
At the time, Queen Isabella was ruling Spain.
Who cast an amoroshus glance at Chris, the smart young fella.
The queen took an interest in Columbus.
He knew the world was round-o.
Columbus believed the earth was round.
His balls did touch the ground-o.
Columbus had a low-hanging scrotum.
That syphilitic, hypocritic, son-of-a-bitch Columbo.
Insulting nickname for Columbus.
Columbo went to the Queen of Spain and made a proposition,
Columbus proposed an idea to the queen.
But what she wanted most to do was fuck in the prone position.
The queen was more interested in sexual intercourse than Columbus' proposal.
The Queen of Spain then said to him she'd give him ships and cargo,
The queen promised Columbus ships and supplies.
He said, "I'll kiss your royal ass if I don't bring back Chicago."
Columbus promised to discover new lands or pay a price.
That fornicating, royal-mating son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Another insult for Columbus.
Three little ships set out to sea, each one a double-decker.
Columbus set sail with three small ships.
The queen she waved the royal flag, Columbo waved his pecker.
The queen waved her flag while Columbus displayed his genitalia.
Columbo paced upon the deck, he knew it was his duty.
Columbus walked back and forth, taking his role seriously.
He took in whang into his hand and said, "Ain't that a beauty!"
He admired his genitals aloud.
That sailors could be browned-o.
Sailors could develop a tan.
That dirty lecher, asshole stretcher son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Another insulting nickname for Columbus.
Columbo had a second mate he loved just like a brother,
Columbus had a close relationship with his second-in-command.
And every night below the decks they bung-holed one another.
Every night, they engaged in anal sex below deck.
The fourteen-year-old cabin boy, that dirty little nipper,
The young cabin boy was regarded as dirty.
Shoved powdered glass right up his ass and circumcised the skipper.
The cabin boy put glass in the captain's rectum, causing injury.
His pecker it was ground-o.
Columbus' penis was injured.
That bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Another insult for Columbus.
For forty days and forty nights they sailed the broad Atlantic,
The journey lasted forty days and nights across the Atlantic Ocean.
Until at last for a piece of ass the whole crew it grew frantic.
The crew became sexually frustrated.
A mermaid came a-swimming by, the crew let out a holler,
A mermaid approached the ship and the crew reacted loudly.
And when they tossed her back to sea she'd made ten thousand dollars.
They sold the mermaid for a large sum of money.
That tail-o could be found-o.
Mermaids were real and could be captured.
That navigating, masturbating, son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Another insult for Columbus.
An Indian maid appeared on shore, Columbo soon pursued her.
Columbus encountered and pursued an Indian woman.
The white of an egg rolled down her leg, the son-of-a-bitch, he screwed her.
The woman was menstruating during intercourse.
And when he got back home to Spain to tell of his adventures,
Upon returning to Spain, Columbus shared his experiences.
Queen Isabella sucked him off, of course without her dentures.
The queen performed oral sex on Columbus.
His dangling dong was crowned-o.
Columbus' penis was pleasured by the queen's mouth.
That syphilitic, hypocritic, fornicating, royal-mating, dirty lecher, asshole stretcher, bleeding fucker, weenie-sucker, navigating, masturbating, son-of-a-bitch, Columbo.
Final insult for Columbus, listing various negative traits and actions.
Contributed by Bentley P. Suggest a correction in the comments below.