Coin Operated Goi
Voltaire Lyrics

Coin operated goi,
The person being talked about is not Jewish and is being referred to as a coin operated goi.

Scary but it's true,
The situation is unnerving but it's real.

He is not a Jew.
This person is not of the Jewish faith.

He won't dance the horah,
He won't participate in traditional Jewish dances like the horah.

Won't light the menorah,
He won't participate in lighting a menorah for Hanukkah.

And it's not a lie,
This statement is truthful.

He ain't even circumcised. Oi!
He is not circumcised, which is a common practice among Jewish males.

I'm not so sure that he's kosher,
The artist is unsure if he follows Jewish dietary laws.

Despite what is in the brochure.
Despite what information is provided.

Everything he eats is wrapped in ham.
It seems like he eats foods containing ham, which is not kosher.

Plus he tried to pork me in the can.
He tried to have sexual contact with the singer in an inappropriate way.

I should go and ask my Rabbi,
The artist is considering consulting with their religious leader for guidance.

If it's a sin if he and I,
The singer is questioning if their potential actions would be considered sinful.

Do it through a small hole in a sheet.
Engage in sexual activity while following Jewish law that requires a sheet with a hole for modesty purposes.

Just big enough to slip my kosher meat.
The hole would only be large enough for the singer to engage in sexual activity while remaining covered by the sheet.

Groin masticated joy, oh boy!
A crude reference to sexual activity that takes place within Jewish law.

Can't hang with the Moyles,
He doesn't associate with those who perform circumcisions as part of Jewish tradition.

He ain't got the curls.
He doesn't wear the traditional ringlet curls that are associated with some Jewish groups.

I say we convert him.
The singer is suggesting that they should try to convert this person to the Jewish faith.

It ain't gonna hurt him.
Converting to Judaism will not physically harm him.

Well, maybe down below,
There may be some personal discomfort or alteration below the waist.

He will have to undergo,
He will have to experience.

A groin operation ploy.
He will have to undergo circumcision in order to convert to Judaism.

His bris we'll perform,
The act of circumcision they will perform on him.

To make his schmuck deformed.
To alter the appearance of his penis.

The Moyle gets a dollar,
The person performing the circumcision will receive payment, as is customary.

If he makes him holler.
The circumcised individual is expected to express pain or discomfort during the procedure.

To make his schmuck more slim,
The act of circumcision will also reduce the size of his penis.

We'll chop off his foreskin!
Slicing off the skin covering the tip of his penis is part of the circumcsion procedure.

Give it to the waiter.
A reference to the traditional Jewish practice of performing a circumcision ceremony and then having a celebratory meal where the foreskin could be given to the waiter as a reminder of the day.

He'll bless it for seder.
The waiter will use the foreskin as a symbol during the seder meal, which is a Jewish ritual feast.

We'll nosh on it later.
The foreskin will be consumed as part of the celebratory meal.

Oh I want a,
An expression of desire for something.

For Rosh Hashanah.
A Jewish holiday whose coming is being anticipated.

A coin operated goi, oh boy!
Reiterating the initial statement about this non-Jewish person.

He had a Bar Mitzvah.
Despite not being Jewish, this person had a Bar Mitzvah which is the celebration of becoming a man under Jewish tradition.

No schitzvah,
A play on the word 'mitzvah' which means 'good deed' in Hebrew. In this context, the singer is saying that he wasn't really a part of the community.

Now he's kosher too.
After being circumcised and having a Bar Mitzvah, he is now considered part of the Jewish community and following Jewish law.

He just like me and you,
He is now just like any other Jewish person.

A coin operated Jew!
Revising the original 'coin operated goi' to reflect that the now-Jewish person is still 'coin operated' i.e. a person who is bought or swayed by money.