Nika Roza Danilova was raised in Merrill, Wisconsin, on over 100 acres of forest. Danilova started singing early on, buying voice lesson tapes and opera sheet music at the age of 7; soon she began working with a vocal coach. It was not her parents' idea: "I begged them to do it. For some reason, I really wanted to sing opera even though I wasn't really exposed to it as a kid. I think my little baby toddler mind heard some opera song and then became fixated on how powerful it sounded," she later remembered. Danilova started performing opera when she was 10 years old, but experienced serious psychological difficulties. "I would too often lose my voice before performances due to anxiety, and was so hard on myself. I would beat myself up about any imperfections or flaws in my voice. I was such a perfectionist, and my voice was still so young so it couldn't do everything I wanted it to, and I resented myself for that. But since performing as Zola Jesus it's been getting easier," she later recalled.
In her teens, Danilova started to experiment in a more rock-orientated format. By naming her alter ego after Jesus Christ and the French writer Émile Zola she said she consciously wanted to alienate peers. "It worked perfectly – a lot of people wouldn't even say Zola Jesus because they thought it was sacrilegious", she said in an interview. "Using Jesus in my name isn't necessarily supposed to be a strong statement. I respect religion and I know people do need it, but it's a weird phenomenon in our world. It's so weird," she later commented. Inspired by favorites like Ian Curtis, Lydia Lunch, Diamanda Galás, Throbbing Gristle and Swans (but also bubblegum pop and classical aria), she started to record at home, using keyboards, drum machines and "anything else she had on hand". In 2008 she debuted with singles "Poor Sons" on Die Stasi and "Soeur Sewer" on Sacred Bones Records.
In 2009, while still studying at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Zola Jesus recorded (in her apartment) and released her debut full-length album The Spoils. The sound was in a certain way dependent on her surroundings. "I usually record in the winter because I am holed up. It's cold outside but warm inside with the heater and blankets. A lot of the songs are cold but in the coldness you find warmth. Winter has a lot to do with it.
Zola Jesus released an EP titled Stridulum in 2010, described as her most melodic work to date. Inspired by the Giulio Paradisi 1979 film of the same name, it marked "a huge leap forward in terms of fidelity and accessibility." After the release Zola Jesus performed at the SXSW festival, for her second time. Her second full-length album Stridulum II, which was an extension of the EP regarded as a debut in the UK, received 8/10 from NME which praised Danilova's classically trained voice as "the deadliest weapon in her arsenal" and called the album a "dark masterpiece."
Zola Jesus' third full-length Conatus was released in late September 2011 via Sacred Bones. The album's 11 tracks were produced by Brian Foote (aka Nudge; Jackie-O Motherfucker, Cloudland Canyon) and Danilova herself, including elements of cello, double bass, violin, and viola.
Zola Jesus has played with Former Ghosts and toured in support of Fever Ray and The xx. She also provides guest vocals on "New France" from their 2012 album Wonky.
Hikikomori
Zola Jesus Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Cannot feel the doors or floors
I got cysts, yeah, in my head
Telling to me to take a blow
Telling me to let it fade
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
All, I know I'm home
All, I know I'm home
Fingers in the air
Grabbing before they swallow
Lingering by the stairs
The down I won't follow
All, I know I'm home
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
All, I know I'm home
It keeps me awake now
It keeps me restless
Fools lust from the outer
Moving faster
All, I know I'm home
The song "Hikikomori" by Zola Jesus is a reflection on mental health and the feeling of being trapped and isolated from the outside world. The singer in the song has physical symptoms of distress, such as blisters on their hands and cysts in their head. These physical sensations make it difficult for them to feel connected to the physical world, and instead, they feel compelled to withdraw further into themselves.
The refrain of "sicker in the daytime, safer on the inside" reveals the tension between the desire to be part of the world and the feeling of safety that comes with disconnection. The outside world is portrayed as uncertain and dangerous, with the down (or descent) of the stairs representing a journey towards something less safe. The singer is not willing to follow this path and instead clings to the comfort of their own internal world, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
The song also touches on the idea of addiction, with the singer describing the lure of something that keeps them awake and restless. This could be a reference to drugs or other forms of self-medication that provide temporary relief from mental distress. Overall, "Hikikomori" is a powerful exploration of what it feels like to be trapped by mental illness and the struggle to find a way out.
Line by Line Meaning
Blisters on my hands
I have physical pain from excessive hand usage.
Cannot feel the doors or floors
The pain is so severe that I have lost sensation in parts of my body.
I got cysts, yeah, in my head
Not only is my body suffering, but my mind also has a physical ailment.
Telling to me to take a blow
The cysts are causing me pain and urging me to harm myself.
Telling me to let it fade
The pain is so unbearable that I wish it would just disappear.
Sicker in the daytime
During daylight hours, my physical and emotional state worsen.
Safer on the inside
I feel more secure and protected indoors.
All, I know I'm home
Despite the pain and discomfort, I feel a sense of belonging and familiarity in this environment.
Fingers in the air
Out of desperation, I am reaching for something intangible.
Grabbing before they swallow
I am trying to hold onto something before it disappears or consumes me.
Lingering by the stairs
I am hesitant to move forward in life or face challenges.
The down I won't follow
I refuse to succumb to societal expectations or negative influences.
It keeps me awake now
The pain and anxiety are preventing me from getting restful sleep.
It keeps me restless
My physical and emotional state is in a constant state of unrest.
Fools lust from the outer
Superficial desires from external sources are futile and pointless.
Moving faster
But despite this realization, everything around me is still rapidly changing and moving forward.
All, I know I'm home
Despite the chaos and confusion, I still feel a sense of belonging and safety in my current environment.
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: BILL MARTIN, PHIL COULTER
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@camilo22023
Blisters on my hands
Cannot feel the doors or floors
I got cysts, yeah, in my head
Telling to me to take a blow
Telling me to let it fade
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
All, I know I'm home
All, I know I'm home
Fingers in the air
Grabbing before they swallow
Lingering by the stairs
The down I won’t follow
All, I know I'm home
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
All, I know I'm home
It keeps me awake now
It keeps me restless
Fools lust from the outer
Moving faster
All, I know I'm home
@Alpha420Ralph
Blisters on my hands
Cannot feel the doors or floors
I got cysts, yeah, in my head
Telling to me to take a blow
Telling me to let it fade
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
Oh, I know I'm home
Oh, I know I'm home
Fingers in the air
Grabbing! Falling! Swallow!
Lingering by the stairs
Doubt I won’t follow
Oh, I know I'm home
Oh, I know I'm home
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
Oh, I know, I'm home
Keeps me awake now
Keeps me restless
Fools blood from the powder[?]
Oh, I know I'm home
Oh, I know I'm home
Sicker in the daytime
Safer on the inside
Oh, I know I'm home
@record.guide.
You play 50 tracks in a night, and 49 of them are awful. You close with this one, and the 49 will be forgotten. Beautiful record.
@hondaxyz
It is a crime that this still isnt on spotify
@cialumba89
Solomun brought us here ! Thumbs up
@akeebpatni1
solomun boiler room :)
@Madorasindahouse
akeeb patni killed it at Tulum, amazing set
@MrLiondesare
Madorasindahouse amazing set!!
@manuelperujo_
+akeeb patni we're all fucked up with that session... XD XD XD
@n1ghtzZz
+akeeb patni shazam ftw
@staliosRE
yeeeeeeeeessssssss!
@cornelisgraper8678
This is one of the best electronic songs i know. Gives me goosebumps and sends chills down my spine everytime i blast it.