Generic Blues
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics

I woke up this morning
I woke up, but then decided to go back to bed

Then I went back to bed
After waking up, I immediately went back to sleep

Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my underwear
I have an uncomfortable feeling as if there's broken glass in my underwear

And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
It feels like a group of uncontrolled pigs are violently attacking my head

You know what I'm sayin'
Do you understand what I'm telling you?

Well I ain't got not money
I don't have any money

I'm just walkin' down the road
I am walking down the road

Said I ain't got no money, honey
I'm telling you, I don't have any money

So I'm just walking down this lonely old road
I'm walking down this road all by myself

Well, I wish I could get me some money
I really wish I had some money right now

But I forgot my automated teller code
Unfortunately, I cannot access my money because I forgot my ATM code

I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I was born in a really horrible place - a sewer, inside a sack made of paper

I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My family was so poor that I had to eat dirt for breakfast

My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tiles
My dad had an unusual job for a man - he was a waitress, while my mom sold bathroom tiles

My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child
My siblings didn't like me because I was the only child in the family

I got the blues so bad, woo
I am so sad and depressed that it feels like the blues

Kinda wish I was dead
I sort of wish I was dead instead of dealing with this sadness

Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Perhaps I should commit suicide by shooting myself in the head

Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead
On second thought, I'll just go bowling

I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking,
I am a worthless and disgusting person

Sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime
I am constantly whining and groveling, and am utterly worthless

Guess I pretty low self image
It seems I have a very low opinion of myself

Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something, I
Perhaps my negative self-image is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain

I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time
I need to make an appointment with my doctor to address my mental health when I am able to

Make it talk
Make the object speak

Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk
Come on, make the object speak, my son

OK, now make it shut up
Alright, now stop the object from speaking

Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
A lot of things, like disease and lack of food, make me feel depressed

I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
Being in certain situations makes me feel very unhappy

I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain
I want somebody to kill me with a pitchfork through my head

I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain
I considered killing myself by flushing myself down the toilet, but that would cause problems

Maybe I'll just go bowling
As a way to lift my spirits, I think I'll go bowling

Or maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid looking
Perhaps I'll do more than just go bowling - I'll join a competitive league or tournament and wear a ridiculous shirt

Shirt and go bowling instead
Even if I wear a silly shirt, I think I'll still go bowling instead of dwelling on my sadness