I Lost on Jeopardy
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics

I was there to match my intellect on national TV
I appeared on TV to test my knowledge with other contestants

Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD
I competed against two highly educated contestants, one being a plumber and the other an architect

I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
I was feeling anxious and stressed, and unfortunately, luck was not on my side that night

Art Fleming gave the answers
The host, Art Fleming, provided the answers

Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right, aight, aight
Despite the answers being given, I still couldn't provide the correct questions as my responses.

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oh)
I was not successful in winning the game show, Jeopardy

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
I realized I was not doing well in the game

My hope of winning sank
I lost confidence in my ability to win the game

Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double now
I encountered the Daily Double, which gave me a chance to double my current score

And then my mind went blank
However, I couldn't think of the correct answer

I took Potpourri for one hundred
I chose the category Potpourri for a value of one hundred dollars

And then my head started to spin
I started to feel dizzy and confused

Well, I'm givin' up Don Pardo
I am relinquishing my opportunity to answer by saying the host, Don Pardo's name

Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah
I would like to know what prizes I did not earn

That's right, all you lost.
You did, in fact, lose the game

And let me tell you what you didn't win
I will list for you what prizes you did not receive

A twenty column set of the Encyclopedia International,
You did not win a set of The Encyclopedia International

A case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni,
You also did not win a case of Turtle Wax and a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni

The San Francisco Treat.
This is the tagline for Rice-A-Roni, the brand that you did not win

But that's not all.
In addition to the previously mentioned prizes, there's more that you did not win

You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people.
Your poor performance on national TV made you appear foolish or unpleasant to a large audience of viewers

You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come.
Your poor performance reflects poorly on your family name and may continue to cause shame and embarrassment for years to come

You don't get to come back tomorrow.
You are not invited to return and compete on Jeopardy again

You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game.
You do not receive any consolation prize, not even a copy of the game to play at home

You're a complete loser!
The game show and its host consider you to be a total failure

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I am unsure of what I was thinking when making certain decisions during the game

I guess I just wasn't too bright
I'm admitting that perhaps I was not smart enough to perform well in the game

Well, I sure hope I do better
I hope to perform better in future game show appearances

Next weekend on The Price Is Right, aight, aight
I will be competing on the game show, The Price Is Right, next weekend

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oh)
To reiterate, I did not win Jeopardy