Motel Californie
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

On a dark country highway, in my candy-apple corvér a strong smell of colidas made me change underwear.
I was driving on a dark highway in my fancy car when I let out a smelly fart that forced me to change my underwear.

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a sickening sight my tank near empty and the lights is dim reckon' I'd stop for the night.
As I drove, I realized I was running out of gas and the car lights were dimming. I spotted a motel ahead and decided to spend the night.

So, I punched the bell. Dog mess everywhere I stepped Holy cow, Oh my God what a smell.
I arrived at the motel and rang the bell for service. As I walked towards the entrance, I stepped on dog poop with a terrible odor.

Welcome to the Motel Californie! such an ugly place (such an ugly place) filled with toxic waste!
Upon entering the motel, the sign welcomed me to a terrible and ugly place full of hazardous waste.

Aint that much room at the Motel Californie Man this place is weird (man this place is weird) Gosh I'm really scared!
The motel only had a few rooms, and as I looked around, I found the place eerie and creepy. I was very scared.

the fossits were pricefestered scorched my contact lens hot set cold and the cold set hot it burned the hair off my shin.
The faucets were corroded and rusty, and the water was scalding hot or freezing cold. I even got burned by the hot water and lost some hair in the process.

My room resembled a scrapyard from a busted up TV set. Rain was blowin throught my windows, now my bed's soakin wet!
My room looked like a junkyard with broken TV sets everywhere, and it started to rain heavily, soaking my bed with water.

that thing tasted like It'd been cooked back in 1969!
The cheeseburger and fries I ordered tasted awful and old, like they had been cooked back in 1969.

You could my gas exploding from far away, woke up the clerk in the middle of the night, I swore I heard her say.....
My fart was so loud and smelly that it woke up the motel clerk in the middle of the night. I thought I heard her asking me something.

Have you enjoyed your stay at the Motel Californie? Oh, I aint feelin well (I aint feelin well) cause the room sure smells.
The motel clerk asked me if I enjoyed my stay, but I felt sick due to the terrible smell in the room.

Staligtites from the ceiling thermostat covered in ice. And I pray, God I long for a holiday inn, or a Motel 6 would be nice!
The room was in poor condition, with icicles hanging from the ceiling and the thermostat frozen. I wished I was in a nicer motel like a Holiday Inn or Motel 6.

Somebody stabbed her with an old buck knife, she was cold dead and desceaced HAHAHA!
Someone had killed the maid with a big knife, and she was lying dead and cold. The singer found this funny and laughed out loud (Hahaha!).

Last thing I remember, I busted down my room door. feeling nauceous as my stomach churned from the scene I just seen before.
The last thing the singer remembers is breaking down the door in a hurry, feeling sick and nauseous after seeing the dead maid's body.

Took some X-LAX from the night stand, here on the toilet I sat. As soon as I get my big butt from here, I'm gonna call up Tom Beaudat!
The singer took some laxatives from the nightstand and sat on the toilet to relieve himself. He planned to call his friend Tom Beaudat as soon as he was done.