Katie Bar the Door
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

I could tell the way she held me Out on that sawdust floor That later on that evening It be Katie bar the door
I knew from the way she was holding me that something exciting was going to happen later that evening

No wedding band was a showin But I wasn't looking too hard The next thing I knew we pulled up to the Blue Moon trailer park
She wasn't wearing a wedding ring, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. Before I knew it, we were at the trailer park

She poured us a double Then she pulled the shades on down And I was in hog heaven Till I started lookin around
She poured us both drinks and closed the blinds, everything seemed perfect until I started to notice some things

I saw cigars in the ashtray Then I saw an old twelve gauge Then I heard his truck come a driving up And I can see myself blown away
I saw evidence of another man in the form of cigars and a shotgun, and then I heard him coming home and realized I was in danger

OH Katie bar the door Is that your husband coming home (I think he's here) I took it for granted You were living here alone (What am I going to do???) I don't think he'd believe me no matter what I said Katie bar the door hide me underneath the bed
I panicked when I heard the husband coming home and asked her to hide me, realizing too late that I assumed she lived alone and that I would not be believed

Cause he came in about half drunk And thank God he didn't see My red underwear on the rabbit ears Of that black and white TV
The husband came home drunk and thankfully did not see my red underwear hanging on the TV

I's under the bed all doubled up And my kidneys about to bust The dust fell off that box springs As those two fell into lust Huh huh hoo hoo hoo hoo
I hid under the bed, feeling very uncomfortable and trying not to make a sound as the husband and the woman got intimate on the bed above me

I laid real still the morning came and he went on off to work And she leaned over that Posturepedic With that I still want you flirt A sane man would have went on home But that's something I ain't never been Somehow the day just slipped away Katie there he is again
I stayed in bed until the husband left for work and the woman flirted with me. A smart man would have just gone home, but I've never been one to make the smart choice

OH NO Oh Katie bar the door Is that your husband coming home (I'm in a mess) I took it for granted You were living here alone (He's got a gun) I don't think he'd believe me no matter what I said (It's LOADED) Katie bar the door hide me underneath the bed
The husband came home again, this time I was even more scared and panicked. I realized I had assumed the woman lived alone but she didn't, and he had a loaded gun

Katie Katie Katie Baby what we gonna do I got my pants on backwards and I'm looking for my boots You can tell him I'm your brother tell him I'm a bookie Or that I'm a den scout mother selling Girl Scout cookies Baby find me a wig high heel shoes Say I'm ugly aunt Eunice from Baton Rouge Honey honey honey Finally what a man will try When he's underneath his death bed fearing for his life
I was coming up with all sorts of ridiculous ideas to try and hide from the husband, even putting on a wig and high heels and pretending to be someone else. I was desperate and in fear for my life

Oh Katie bar the door Is that your husband coming home (Where's my keys) I took it for granted You were living here alone (Oh they're in my britches) I don't think he'd believe me no matter what I said (Where's my britches) Katie bar the door hide me underneath the bed
Once again, the husband came home and I was frantically looking for my keys. I realized again how wrong I was to assume the woman lived alone and how much danger I was in

Katie Katie Katie Oh my gosh see ya...
The song ends with me saying 'see ya' to Katie, presumably having escaped from the husband's wrath and never wanting to see her again