One Jack Off
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

Every Friday night I go to bubba's hardware store
Every week on Friday, I visit Bubba's Hardware Store

And give the secret knock on the private stockroom door
I knock on the hidden entrance of the private stockroom

Good ol' boys are shootin craps playin' five card stud
The guys are playing craps and five card stud

Hot lookin' women
Attractive women are around

Ice cold suds
Icy drinks are being served

This blonde was playin' poker
A blonde woman was playing poker

She was on a roll
The blonde was winning continuously

I sat down beside her with my ace in the hole
I sat near the winning blonde, carrying the highest poker card

I had to draw a jack to win
I needed a jack card to win

With a straight ace high
With a combination of high cards with the ace at the top

But win I drew that card
But alas, fate had other plans when I drew the card

I kissed that pot goodbye
I lost the possibility of winning that game

cause I'm one jack off
I'm only one card away from being a possible winner

Here in my hand
I hold my cards

I got an ace, a king, a queen, and a ten and
In my hand, I have high cards- an ace, king, queen, and ten

Now I'm in a jam
Now I'm in trouble

I was doin' fine till I pulled that nine
Everything was going great for me until I drew the nine

That's win I went soft
That's when I started to fear losing

I was temptin' fate with an ace high stright
I was trying my luck with a combination of high cards, consisting of ace card

But I'm one jack off
I am very close to winning, but not close enough with only one card missing

I've played with this deck so long its messin' with my mind
I've been using this same deck of cards for so long that it's starting to affect my psychology

I've heard it said to much of this it can make a man go blind
I've heard that this is a common problem for people who play cards too much

I can't let her beat me but I ain't got a prayer
I don't stand a chance against her, but I won't let her win easily

I'm sure she's got a real good hand
I'm sure she has better cards than me

I see she's got a pair
I notice that she has a pair of the same card

I stared across the table
I looked across the table

Hopin' that she calls
I was hoping that she would raise the game

Then when she raised me
But when she raised the stakes

Well I dang near lost it all
I almost lost everything in that game

I tried to pull it out figurin' Id bluff
I tried to win by pretending to have high cards

But win I showed her what I had
But when I showed her my cards

She said to bad your one jack off
She replied, 'Too bad you're only one card away from winning'

I'm just one jack off
I am very close to winning, with only one card left to complete my hand

Ain't that great
That's wonderful

She said nice try but nine, ten, queen, king, ace don't make a straight
She replied that I was wrong, this combination of cards could not make a straight

I said how about another round
I asked for another round of the game

She said adie up there hoss
She demanded that I pay for the previous round

She took all my money
She won all the money I had brought for the game

And I'm still one jack off
And unfortunately, I'm still only one card away from winning

I'm one jack off
I'm still only one card short of winning

Just my luck
It's my bad luck, always unlucky

She won my favorite pair of cowboy boots
She won my favorite pair of boots

And the pink slip to my truck
And even the ownership documents of my vehicle

I knew Id have to come again next week
I resolved to come back again next week

To get back what I lost
To win back all that I had lost to her

That's the story of my life
It happens to me all the time

Its seems I'm always one jack off
It feels like I'm always one card away from winning

That's right
Exactly