Growing up in Malibu, California, she began learning the violin at the age of four and left regular school five years later with the goal of becoming a world-class violinist; she practiced eight or nine hours a day and read a wide range of literature. Progressing to writing her own music, she studied under various teachers and went to Indiana University, which she left over issues regarding the relationship between classical music and the appearance of the performer. Through her own independent label Traitor Records, Autumn debuted with her classical album On a Day: Music for Violin & Continuo, followed by the release in 2003 of her album Enchant.
She appeared in singer Courtney Love's backing band on her 2004 America's Sweetheart tour and returned to Europe. She released the 2006 album Opheliac with the German label Trisol Music Group. In 2007, she released Laced/Unlaced; the re-release of On a Day... appeared as Laced with songs on the electric violin as Unlaced. She later left Trisol to join New York-based The End Records in 2009 and release Opheliac in the United States, where previously it had only been available as an import. Currently she is on tour to promote her newest album Fight Like A Girl. She played the role of Painted Doll in Darren Lynn Bousman's 2012 film The Devil's Carnival.
Gothic Lolita
Emilie Autumn Lyrics
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I'm older than you'll ever be
I've been dead a thousand years
And lived only two or three
I don't mind telling you
My life was ended by your hand
The kind of murder where nobody dies
But I don't suppose you'd understand
If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita
Thank you, kind sirs
You've made me what I am today
A bundle of broken nerves
A mouthful of words
I'm still afraid to say
I don't mind telling you
Now that I'm old enough to love
I couldn't begin to even if
My pretty life depended on it
And funny thing, it does
If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita
I am your sugar
I am your cream
I am your anti-American dream
I am your sugar
I am your cream
I am your worst nightmare
Now scream
If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita
The song "Gothic Lolita" by Emilie Autumn is a hauntingly beautiful track that delves deeply into the complexities of power and abuse in relationships. In the lyrics, the singer expresses that she has been dead for a thousand years and only lived two or three. She tells the listener that her life was ended by their hand, but it was the kind of murder where nobody dies, suggesting that the listener had a role in destroying her life. The singer suggests that if she is Lolita, then the listener is a criminal who deserves to be killed by an army of little girls. She also expresses her understanding of why the listener would have acted as they did, citing her appearance as a Gothic Lolita, with ruffles and lace and candy sweet faces, as directing the listener's furtive hand.
The second verse sees the singer not blaming herself for what happened, despite the listener suggesting it was her fault. She thanks the listener for making her the person she is today, a bundle of broken nerves with a mouthful of words she's still afraid to say. She reveals that she's old enough to love but despite that, couldn't begin to love someone, suggesting the damage done was irreparable. The final stanza begins with the singer being the sugar and cream to the listener, but also their anti-American dream and worst nightmare. She finishes with the repeating chorus indicating that her appearance and behaviour as a Gothic Lolita did not excuse the listener's behaviour, and they are responsible for their criminal actions.
Line by Line Meaning
How old are you?
The singer is old and has experienced more than the listener.
I'm older than you'll ever be
The singer has lived for a longer time than the listener will ever live.
I've been dead a thousand years
The singer has gone through traumatic experiences that made them feel emotionally 'dead' for a long time.
And lived only two or three
Despite being alive for a long time, the artist has only lived a short and eventful life.
I don't mind telling you
The artist doesn't have an issue stating the truth.
My life was ended by your hand
The listener played a major role in ending the singer's former happy life.
The kind of murder where nobody dies
The singer went through an emotional 'murder' where they suffered and died inside without anyone noticing.
But I don't suppose you'd understand
The listener is incapable of empathizing with the artist's situation.
If I am Lolita
If the artist is seen as a young girl lusting after an older man.
Then you are a criminal
The listener, as the older man, is a criminal for participating in the relationship.
And you should be killed
The singer feels strongly that the man should be punished for his behavior.
By an army of little girls
The artist believes that many girls are in a similar situation and should unite to fight against it.
The law won't arrest you
Although illegal, these types of relationships are rarely prosecuted or punished by the law.
The world won't detest you
The singer feels like society as a whole is not doing anything to stop these relationships.
You never did anything
The singer does not see any justification for the older man's actions.
Any man wouldn't do
The behavior of the older man is not acceptable, no matter who does it.
I'm Gothic Lolita
The artist identifies as a style of dress called 'Gothic Lolita,' a popular trend among Japanese youth.
And you are a criminal
The listener is still viewed as a criminal by the singer.
I'm not even legal
The singer is not of legal age, which makes their relationship even more inappropriate.
I'm just a dead little girl
The artist feels emotionally dead and lost due to their experience.
But ruffles and laces
The artist dresses in a frilly and complex style to attract attention.
And candy sweet faces
The artist presents a sweet and innocent face to contrast with their traumatic experiences.
Directed your furtive hand
The listener took advantage of the singer's youth and innocence by making sexual advances.
I perfectly understand
The artist understands the motives of the listener and why things happened the way they did.
So it's my fault?
The listener often tries to blame the singer for their situation.
No, Gothic Lolita
The singer emphatically denies this claim and reaffirms their identity.
Thank you, kind sirs
The singer is sarcastically thanking the people who made them suffer.
You've made me what I am today
The traumatic experiences of the past still affect the artist's present self.
A bundle of broken nerves
The artist is emotionally devastated and can't function normally.
A mouthful of words
Despite feeling many different emotions, the singer is unable to express themselves fully.
I'm still afraid to say
The trauma has made the singer afraid to share their thoughts and feelings with others.
Now that I'm old enough to love
Despite going through a traumatic experience, the artist is now capable of feeling love again.
I couldn't begin to even if
However, the traumatic experience has made it difficult for the artist to start a new relationship.
My pretty life depended on it
The artist's happiness and well-being are strongly affected by their ability to start a new relationship.
And funny thing, it does
The traumatic experience still affects the singer and is hindering their ability to move on.
I am your sugar
The listener used to see the artist as a sweet and attractive object.
I am your cream
The singer aroused the listener's desires and fantasies.
I am your anti-American dream
The listener's fantasies are now a nightmare, as they realize the consequences of their actions.
I am your worst nightmare
The listener has become the singer's worst fear due to their experiences.
Now scream
The artist wants the listener to experience the fear and trauma they went through.
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: EMILIE AUTUMN
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Samantha Olivas
The message of this song should never be ignored. It's not Lolita the style (I thought it was when I was in middle school) but after reading Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita I understood how in depth this song goes about a child being sexually abused by grown ups and losing their child hood because they are confused and manipulated into thinking something like that is ok. Lolita in the book was a pretty little girl who thought she had an "adult" mindset (what with kissing boys and losing her V to a boy her age at summer camp) but then is manipulated into some relationship with her step father. She had no where to go, no one to turn to, and wasn't allowed to go to school for a very long time because the perv wanted her to himself. The song breaks my heart, no child should ever go through this.
Soul Creeper
Samantha Olivas there’s a movie about it as well
Tomara Jane
Ive never seen the book nor movie, i was trying to figure out what the song was about. After reading @Maniacaish post and listening, it makes sense. That is horrid
All of the Lights
The awful thing is that even now, a lot of people interpret the Kubrick movie - and perhaps the book - as a poor man, being manipulated by a vixen who pretends to be innocent, but is in fact totally adult and 'wise beyond her years'. That's still a narrative we hear too often: about how a teenager 'manipulates' or 'seduces' a grown-up man. It's not his fault, he was seduced by her! Not even considering the fact that he's supposed to be the adult, and she's still a child, even if she's pretending to be an adult. Lot's of kids can pretend to be adults. I know I did. Doesn't mean they're ready to do what adults do.
E
@All of the Lights Yep, and worse when a kid who's been through similar stuff reads the book/watches the film and it further confuses them and reinforces their erroneous belief of their own culpability...
E
Jesse Lolita
Spinturnix Strix
Hi I am male but I strongly can identify with Emilie Autumn and her music and this song in particular has me very emotional, I often end up in sobs & tears listening to this beautiful yet tragic & true song. Thank you Emilie...you speak what too many keep hush.
House of Solidor
I strongly agree!
pinkmoonrabbit
boy can be victims too. And the perpetrators definitely arent always men.
Sofia Williams
This song haunts me, to this day. One of the few pieces of art that depicts the pain of abuse. The voice breaks, the screams of pain, it all works so well and is something I’ll hear for the rest of my life