Winking your blues away
Ivor Biggun Lyrics

All those lonely blues songs, you might feel that you wrote 'em
You might relate so closely with the sad songs you've been listening to that you may think you wrote them yourself.

You might be sad and think that life has kicked you in the scrotum
You may be feeling down and believe that life has dealt you a low blow.

Be brave and wipe that teardrop from your eye
Try to be courageous and hold back your tears.

there's one more remedy you can try
You can attempt one more possible solution.

Wanking your blues away
Masturbating to escape your sadness.

If you haven't had a promise
If you haven't had a sexual partner.

And you haven't got a sister or a wife
If you don't have a sister or a wife to have sex with.

And your brother's not keen
If your brother is not interested in having sex with you.

You can get to the promised land
You can achieve sexual gratification.

The answer's right there in your hand
The solution you seek is already in your grasp.

Try wanking to the rhythm of life
Masturbate in sync with the beat of music or the pace of life.

It's a source of some amusement
Masturbation may be seen as a form of entertainment to some.

that the craft of self-abusement
Masturbation or self-pleasure could be viewed as a form of self-injury or self-punishment.

was invented, so it's thought
It is believed that the art of masturbation was created at some point in history.

by the Greeks and the Westphalians
The Greeks and the Westphalians are some of the societies who might be credited for inventing it.

perfected by Australians
The Australians may have been the ones to perfect the technique of masturbation.

developed by the Welsh into a competitive sport
The Welsh people have transformed it into a highly competitive pursuit.

Shirt on the floor
Your shirt is on the ground.

One hand and a metronome
You only need one hand to masturbate while keeping to the rhythm of a metronome.

And lots of boogie-woogie
Boogie-woogie music is playing in the background.

The Cowman sits there on his farm
A cow herder spends time alone on his farm.

With loads of blisters on his arm
He has scratches and blisters on his arm from masturbating for a long time.

Wanking 'til the cows come home
Masturbating for an extended period of time until the cows come back home.

It's time to take your trousers down
It's time to undress.

Lock the door and go to town
Close and lock the door before you begin masturbating with dedication.

You can wipe away your frown and wank your blues away
Masturbation could elicit joy and take away your sadness.

Don't worry that you'll lose your sight
You shouldn't worry about the myth that masturbation causes blindness.

Make the world seem gay and bright
Masturbation can make the world seem happy and more cheerful.

WANKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE and wank your blues away
All people who masturbate should come together and do it to escape their sadness.

It's a harmless hobby, it's what your right arm's for
Masturbation is harmless and is what your right arm is meant for.

And not for drinking lager
Your right arm should be used for masturbation, and not for drinking beer.

The basic kit for masturbation
The tools needed for masturbation.

Is a plonker and a hand and imagination
A penis, a hand, and your imagination are all that's needed for masturbation.

Keep wanking 'til you just can't wank no more
Masturbate until you reach the point where you no longer feel like doing it.

But don't forget to close the bathroom door
Make sure you don't forget to close the bathroom door while masturbating.