Growing up in the suburbs of Oklahoma McKenzie was a part of a classical guitar ensemble at an arts-focused public high school. At home, she would write original songs over arpeggios she learned in guitar class and uploaded her original songs and covers on YouTube. She was determined to trade the great plains for a more populated skyline. After receiving a scholarship to Pratt Institute for visual web programming, McKenzie moved to Brooklyn, New York in 2013.
Between classes, McKenzie wrote music as a form of catharsis from rigid school assignments. During the second semester, she showed a classmate some of the songs she had been making and her classmate introduced her to several electronic music producers on Soundcloud, lent her a midi keyboard, and encouraged her to buy a real microphone. Her first released on Soundcloud, ‘Starchild’ (prod. by melodrama) received 100,000 plays in 24 hours.
Mothica is an alter ego that isn’t afraid of honesty even if it means showing weakness. Her distinct raspy yet honey-soaked voice is not one of vocal training, but of heartfelt emotion. Her storytelling writing style and unexpected melodies have set her apart in an music scene that is overrun with sameness. She lends her voice to many genres via collaborations, bringing electronic elements to life with the emotions she shares.
McKenzie desired the skill to produce her own instrumentals, so she learned Ableton and released an entirely self-produced EP called Mythic in 2013. Her somber song about self-empowerment, “No One” reached No. 6 on the US Viral Spotify Charts. The collaboration and record label requests came pouring in but she carefully hand selected her music partners and released the smash "Clear" with Canadian producer Pusher. The song currently sits at 12 million plays on Spotify put her on the radar for everyone from Spotify execs to VSCO to Teen Vogue.
Turning down every record label offer, Mothica remained independent and began performing around New York. She performed her first show solo, and it was completely sold out. She finished up a second solo EP called Heavy Heart about her experience with depression. She continues to grow into her writing style while collaborating with the likes of Tennyson, Crywolf, Said The Sky, and Electric Mantis.
Like her music, Mothica's live show continues to evolve. Playing from coast to coast with several headlining shows, 2017 saw the first iteration of a live music experience for Mothica with three additional band members interpreting lively versions of the songs her fans know best.
She started out 2018 with one million monthly Spotify listeners anticipating the upcoming release of two EP's throughout the calendar year. On Valentine’s Day, she will release her next single, Lovetalk, accompanied by a music video and is planning a late April US tour.
upside
mothica Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm underwater
There's nothing that you can say, I've always felt this way
Left out, leftovers on the counter
Feels like I'm only sinking further
There's nothing that you can say, just chemicals in my brain
There's a little voice running through my head
All the mistakes I've ever made
Playing over again
On the upside, everything's gonna bе just fine
I'm already dead on thе inside
Nobody can hurt me now
On the outside, having the time of my life
Hanging with people I don't like
Nobody can hurt me now
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me
Bloodshot, no tears, at least it's something
Still here, didn't even see you coming
I don't like the way it feels but at least I can say it's real
There's a little voice running through my head
Reminding me of the stupid things I said
I let the monsters in my bed, they say
On the upside, everything's gonna be just fine
I'm already dead on the inside
Nobody can hurt me now
On the outside, having the time of my life
Hanging with people I don't like
Nobody can hurt me now
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me
Now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now
The lyrics to Mothica's song "Upside" explore the themes of loneliness, self-doubt, and the desire to protect oneself from further pain. The song kicks off with the artist describing a feeling of isolation upon returning home to an empty house. The silence is deafening as missed calls pile up, and the singer is consumed by a sense of helplessness, feeling like they are drowning underwater. They acknowledge that despite friends' attempts to console or offer words of encouragement, their internal struggles create a sense of emotional distance that no phrase can bridge. Instead, the lyrics describe the feelings as chemically entrenched in their brain, highlighting the depth of their emotional pain.
There's a sense of past trauma or regret present in the song, as the singer wrangles with an inner voice that obsesses over past mistakes or perceived flaws. The mistakes, which replay on a loop in the singer's head, contribute to their feelings of self-loathing and heighten their sense of vulnerability. The chorus brings the song into focus, with the artist acknowledging a sort of resigned hopefulness. While the singer's inner dialogue highlights their pain, the "upside" presents itself in the knowledge that they have already hit rock bottom - they feel dead on the inside, numb to the point where nobody can hurt them anymore. There's a sense of relief in this final act of protection, as if the singer has erected a protective barrier that will insulate them from any further psychological damage.
Line by Line Meaning
I come home to lights off, missed calls, don't even bother
When I come back home, I find the lights switched off and missed calls on my phone, but I don't even bother attending those calls.
Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm underwater
I am in a state of constant restlessness - can't even sleep or eat properly - it feels as if I'm drowning underwater.
There's nothing that you can say, I've always felt this way
Even if you try to console me with words, it won't make any difference as I have always felt this way.
Left out, leftovers on the counter
I feel excluded, like leftovers left behind on the counter.
Feels like I'm only sinking further
I feel as if I'm sinking into deeper despair.
There's nothing that you can say, just chemicals in my brain
My feelings are a result of the biochemical reactions happening in my brain, hence your words won't impact them.
There's a little voice running through my head
I have an inner voice inside my head.
Reminding me of the stupid things I said
It keeps reminding me of all the foolish things I said.
All the mistakes I've ever made
It highlights all my past mistakes.
Playing over again
It repeats and replays those mistakes in my mind.
On the upside, everything's gonna be just fine
However, there is a bright side to all of it, and everything is going to be fine eventually.
I'm already dead on the inside
I might seem alive, but I feel completely dead on the inside.
Nobody can hurt me now
Since I am already dead within, nobody can hurt me anymore.
On the outside, having the time of my life
Despite my inner turmoil, I might seem to be enjoying life on the surface or with people I might not even like.
Hanging with people I don't like
I might be surrounded by people I do not feel comfortable being around.
Bloodshot, no tears, at least it's something
My eyes might appear bloodshot due to the inner turmoil, but at least I am feeling something even though it's not tears.
Still here, didn't even see you coming
Despite being in such a state, I am still alive and haven't succumbed to the darkness, but your arrival was unexpected.
I don't like the way it feels but at least I can say it's real
Even though I do not like the way I'm feeling, I can assure you that it is real.
Contributed by Jasmine R. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@michaelmorningstar2700
Lyrics:
I come home to lights off, missed calls, don't even bother
Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm underwater
There's nothing that you can say, I've always felt this way
Left out, leftovers on the counter
Feels like I'm only sinking further
There's nothing that you can say, just chemicals in my brain
There's a little voice running through my head
Reminding me of the stupid things I said
All the mistakes I've ever made
Playing over again
On the upside, everything's gonna bе just fine
I'm already dead on thе inside
Nobody can hurt me now
On the outside, having the time of my life
Hanging with people I don't like
Nobody can hurt me now
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me
Bloodshot, no tears, at least it's something
Still here, didn't even see you coming
I don't like the way it feels but at least I can say it's real
There's a little voice running through my head
Reminding me of the stupid things I said
I let the monsters in my bed, they say
On the upside, everything's gonna be just fine
I'm already dead on the inside
Nobody can hurt me now
On the outside, having the time of my life
Hanging with people I don't like
Nobody can hurt me now
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me
Now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now, ooh
Nobody can hurt me now
@alizacruz
Theory: you’re representing how you feel on the inside, struggling mentally and battling depression, and that’s why you’re a zombified Mothica in the video. Everyone around you sees life in color, but you see only grey. Toxic positivity is tough to deal with so you just have to be there physically with these people despite not being there mentally while they celebrate your birthday. You’re an outcast with this group. You can’t relate to anyone and finally at the end find someone else who’s “already dead on the inside” who you can relate to. I think this is a powerful message and very creative video!! 🖤
@Lunabyes
SO SO GOOD!! On October 30th, it'll be the 6 year anniversary of a childhood friend's suicide. You and our music have helped me heal so so much. It was an honour to be a part of your forever fifteen lyric video. I'm now 5 years, 9 months, and 30 days free from self harm, and last week I hit ONE HUNDRED DAYS sober from Opiates! Your story, your art, your music, has truly changed my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without you and Blue Hour. If my friend was still here, I know for a FACT she would absolutely adore it. Thank you for sharing your art with us. I know how hard it is to make it big completely independently. You've got this! The production quality of this video is also top notch👌🏻
@brewgamingworlds8419
Congrats on your 100 days and almost 6 years!
@boneappletee6416
Congrats!
@jaerae8144
Wow, that's amazing. I'm happy you've come so far. :) I'm slowly healing from self-harm myself, but I know I'm getting better.
I'm so sorry about your friend, but I know they would likely be proud of you.
Keep it up. :) :) I'm sure you're an amazing person, and I can't wait until the day I can say it's been 5 years. But I'm still just reaching for 1 year now. If I can stay strong until then, I might make a celebration out of it.
Congrats on the 100 days too!
@ellietheshroom7549
Congratulations! I'm very sorry to hear about your friend, it's very admirable that you've turned it into positive motivation. Thank you for sharing your story 💕 super inspiring c:
@AureliaMusic
Theory: the greatest ad for beef jerky in the history of advertising
@nina2draw375
Plss✋🏽💀
@Jinx_of_Nyx
I actually did get an ad for jerky before getting to watch the video, so…
@AureliaMusic
@@Jinx_of_Nyx OMG 😳