The Onion News Network, encompasing the former separate divisions of the O… Read Full Bio ↴The Onion News Network, encompasing the former separate divisions of the Onion Radio News as well as its video and print divisions, presents a single hard-hitting news story per day, an audio version of the same award-winning coverage The Onion is known for in its print and online versions. Doyle Redland (Recent Onion annual poetry contest winner) is the tough-as-nails anchorman who millions have learned to trust as his soothing voice describes the most crucial happenings of the day. It's free to download from The Onion.

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02Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

03Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar

04Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee

05Back Of Library Smells Like Weed

06Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is

The Onion

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Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is
The Onion Lyrics

No lyrics text found for this track.

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Comments from YouTube:

soulhunter4444

14y↑168

I speak Mandarin and I assure you that this is translated perfectly.

Alan's Saladbar

3y↑2

0:12 the guy's name is already in the wrong syntax. Chinese names come in family name followed by "first name", so it should have been Wei Poyuan instead. That's a very basic error among non-native speakers, maybe brush up on your Mandarin.

RichoRosai

3y↑1

I speak Mandarin even better and I assure you that the above comment is full of shit. They're reading from the phone book.

Jun Yan Yap

3y↑1

@Tavie Brown The only part that was 'inaccurate' was when they missed out him saying "leaking state secrets". Otherwise, spot on.

Rektz Ruiz

3y↑4

@Tavie Brown Onion may be satire but their translation are always spot on. Like that Al Qaeda video about Twilight Saga

Tavie Brown

3y↑1

Is this sincere? It's under a Onion video, so I want to be absolutely sure.

LyricalWax

15y↑139

The funniest bit is when he says laughing, "and I'd never be heard from again!"

hgfuhgvg

4y↑80

This has aged quite well.

D W

3y↑1

SHUT THAT LI WENLIANG DOCTOR UP

SouthernBell86

15y↑49

Yeah, I was really expecting a bad translation! Great to actually hear him talking about the functionality of his fridge.

ron

15y↑34

"if they weren't guilty, why would our infallible government say they were? It makes no sense!" Such genius.

Wayfarer

14y↑60

I can close my eyes and understand what they are saying in Mandarin. The Mandarin they speak is proper.

Stathis Giannop

3y↑3

i can do the same by reading the subtitles

Droiz

5y↑98

Why is this posted by The Onion? This is actually true.

mayoite160

3y↑4

13 years later it's become even more accurate

Herb Kaufman

15y↑1

You can never be reminded too often how wonderful the government is, it is a lesson which must be repeated daily to be true.

felips

15y↑1

I love Andy Rooney, and watching this video after many years of listening to Andy Rooney is awesome.

FujiSyusuke 808

15y↑5

Hahahaha, oh man, it's perfect how it parodies Andy Rooney.

T Song

5y↑60

He got a clear HongKong accent.

TheGamingAlong

3y↑2

I’m a beginner Mandarin learner and I can understand him more easily than the Beijing one.

Mike

4y↑2

I was thinking he was Chinese American. I don’t know what a Hong Kong accent sounds like, but I just thought it was close to Guangdong. This guy could pronounce sh accurately so I figured he couldn’t be from the south.

Jasmine Wang

15y↑8

The fun part is the subtitles match what he's saying in mandarin!

dpsrbi

10y↑10

Lmao this was a good one.

Fleshy91

13y↑3

I just got done cleaning my once filthy refrigerator, and i am proud to report that my refrigerator is now functioning without flaw. :P

slx

15y

Wow that was a really good script, the translation and the actual dialogue was pretty much on key. I'm impressed, most of the time they just use random chinese videos. This time they really went for it.

Felix Tan

3y↑2

Onion news is from the future, it has aged well in 2021.

applesauce

15y

The Onion is always social satire, but this one is actually most likely sadly true.

RenGader

13y

It's good to see Chinese satire for once. Even if it isn't actually in the PRC.

P Fernandez

15y

Some how I get the feeling that 10-15 years ago this movie would have been less of a joke and more a factual account:O

Atoyota

15y

important one to understand, as we the people take our democracy lightly. It's great satire!

TheREALSisko

15y↑3

My comment is a reply to someone saying China is more free then the US. Which its not. You can't say anything wrong about china or you'll get put away.

I'm Back Sucka

15y↑1

As funny as the video was it was also scary.... that line of thinking is unbelievably ignorant yet well thought out in terms of the purpose it serves. Fall into line and don't question us or you will suffer the consequences. Delivered with a unpalatable smile :)

nrox653

15y

Lol, and you would think the Onion makes false translations. In fact it's pretty accurate.

Ricky Jaeger

15y

Yes. One of the basic principles of our government is that the government is inherently untrustworthy. People seem to forget that nowadays. Still a great system. :)

BobfromSydney

15y

I hope people are aware that what's said in the video quite accurately reflects the history and current state of the communist government in China. The only part that has been onionised is the cheerful way all arguments are being presented. It's fairly clear that the scene was created by chinese speakers with a good political knowledge, including a reference to the argument "If they weren't guilty we wouldn't have arrested them", which was actually used and is still used by the communists.

DH-HD

15y

Yeah, we laugh at Onion videos because they're ridiculous, and though this video is ridiculous, it's pretty close to reality which is sad.

Aaron Q

15y

there is no perfect government. If there is please tell me so I can move there.

Oscar Huang

12y

@darkvision1 I know this comment was posted a year ago but I would like to say something. One of the reasons for Japan's rise was with the Marshall plan and how the American's funded their military and invested heavily in its companies. Also Singapore giving access to easy shipping routes helped a lot. Just my opinion.

sunstryder//

15y↑1

Man, I love the onion.

superoldboy

15y

It's still somewhat a command economy. Far from the days of Mao, but hardly a free capitalist system by Western standards.

sqekcx

15y

LOL I can understand the whole thing! that's so cool. although I would say the old man is a little bit harder to understand

B izichyld

15y

It's funny almost exclusively for the fact that he plays a perfect Andy Rooney, except he's Chinese. Watch a real CBS Andy Rooney clip and tell me you still can't find the utter hilarity in this.

dAvrilthebear

15y

That's sad, because in another program they have found actors to speak perfect Bengali (according to comments)

taifuzalo

15y

some real ass shit from the onion. thank you. good job.

MEHMET ŞAN

Great show from great China👍

DerAntagonist

15y

hilarious. this is so fucking clever. :)

fosterslover

14y

People who don't know about Andy Rooney can't really appreciate this.

husong1995

15y

Dang... the Chinese was actually really accurate. Just a couple words off here and there.

Fictional Character

15y

It's going to be even funnier when "they" replace the word China with America in this skit. Thanks onion, i get the joke...

BobfromSydney

15y

Four points: You didn't address the issue of students from China having parents that are either communists or got rich through corruption. That Korea has more gamer obsession doesn't invalidate the assertion that chinese students have quite a deep gamer culture. Honda might be a Japanese brand but that doesn't stop chinese students favouring Civics. If your definition of creative thinking is just musical performance then I believe you don't understand what creative thinking is.

nrox653

15y

Other than the fact that some things like "that's impossible" is translated as "it makes no sense"... yeah. The part about the refrigerators is funnier in Chinese than English for some reason =S

Samael527

15y↑1

Seconds later Poyuan Wei was arrested for free thinking...

Eric Majerus

15y↑1

Hahaha, I love The Onion.

John Wu

15y

thank you, thank you! i wish i had you around some of the comment areas of some videos on here so i don't look like the only perceived alarmist.

JasminGermany

15y

I am giving you a thumb up (and I do like my chinese friends), because it is def true: they all study to be engineers! I don´t know of one who signed up for political studies or philosophy. In my (provocative) opinion, once they start to think on their own, they are called dissidents.

dAvrilthebear

15y

You may call it satire on communism but it would also contain satire on the false and over-simplified image of China we have in the western media.

dAvrilthebear

15y

Please disregard this comment, it was ment for another Onion video on China. I should also say, this guy is pretty touching - and he does Andy Rooney very well!

byrdy

15y

He does a good Rooney.

needsmorsleep

15y

I'm to confused and out of it to find out whether or not we're in agreement. Good day to you sir

secondgate

15y

if only the onion writers were able to write material for everyone (see: snl)

Mark Jaramilla

15y↑1

I completely agree, the glamorous and majestic leaders of China is simply giving us a taste, you might say, of what is to come.

InedibleHulk Smith

14y

Yeah! Stick it to the man! Everyone get up, go to your window and respectfully state, "I'm content in hell and I'll gladly tolerate some more!"

logicandfact

15y

If you have really good GPA, why Australia? If you have good GPA, you can get into a top University in China/Hongkong. If you have poor GPA, by paying money, you can get into one of those universities in Australia or France or whatever...I do believe the qualities of those universities are usually very good. If you really have money...it's the US again...

testavariceify

13y↑3

@DoubleGlog He's actually speaking chinese.. Yeah, it's hilarious.

TobyTheRobot

15y

Oh hay guise. I was going to come in and complain about this guy's mandarin Chinese and simultaneously completely miss the point of the video, but I see that's already been covered. Carry on!

morcova

15y↑1

Hahah! I wondered if it was accurate.

Paul Hsieh

15y

No this is not a rerun, the great and glorious leaders at the Onion have given us our news fresh and new like they always do. I am so happy that I have a news source that I can rely on unquestioningly. To suggest otherwise would be like complaining that my refrigerator was working perfectly ...

Oscar Huang

12y

@F3FisGoodforYou Whoa man, I'm Chinese-Australian and I don't believe in the whole nationalistic/ racial supremacy jazz from both cultures. I enjoy Onion and love this type of comedy with the exaggerations and tasteful satire of stereotypes.

berkshireee

13y

@F3FisGoodforYou Wait..what? By saying that the onion exaggerates news, I'm now an ultra-nationalist and chauvinist? I'm against ALL such exaggerations, not just limited by how China is portrayed. Also, good job making sweeping generalizations about an entire country. First of all, I'm a Canadian, and you will see that Americans are no different if you go to any youtube video that says bad things about Americans. Have fun!

jono753

15y

(Totalitarianism by definition must use a planned economy, otherwise it's called authoritarianism.) A totally free (no regulation whatsoever) eco. is utopia and thus unattainable. I believe that we must find the correct mix of economic socialism and liberalism, instead of trying to aspire to an ideal. Ideals are not practical and fail when applied to the real world.

Kevin Nee

15y

wow they got the chinese right onion is quality as always but i couldnt place his accent it was a little weird to me anyone else?

ActiveStorage

14y

@chinesekmt ofcorse it is true. thats why its so funny the facial expression on that guy at 0:38 saying you are a traitror is pure gold xD

ScienceGuy

15y

That is so sad. Still funny, though.

kur1tan

15y

Yea, I know I saw this one before. Still good though.

Pteromandias

12y↑5

China's Andy Rooney!

Thomas Smalley

15y

This is too funny

niyou77

15y

Best ONN so far.

323guiltyspark

14y

@Manofaction0 Technically, it's not illegal to have more than one kid. You just have to pay a fine. For some, that is a hassle. But for people out in the boondocks, they're more than willing to pay the fine to have another worker on the farm. In some cases, they name their kids after how much money they had to pay.

Kni7es

15y

It was. I'm confused as well, especially since it wasn't that funny the first time.

zhmzdl67zwxdsh

14y

@chinesekmt Indeed this is no laughing matter. It would be almost as offensive if they made fun of Chiang Kai-shek and how he imprisoned and killed over 100,000 people under his dictatorship in Taiwan, yes?

krakfanskap

15y

They shot all these clips two years ago when doing The Onion Movie.

ultranet

15y

yes ... this is a china video aired on the major private china television channel... but the subtitle are correct . In China there is freedom of speach and so to prove this they made this video .

qazwsx2020

15y

A little bit stereotyping but mostly right. In fact, many Chinese (include government officers) will make fun of this kind of propagandas. Instead of working as propaganda as intended, it actually works as political jokes in modern Chinese society. But why the Chinese government still making such propagandas even though nobody would even care about it? Well..you know,being a Chinese government officer is quite boring sometimes, so that the government find a way to keep its employees busy:)

JasminGermany

15y

I don´t get it, is that now satire or was that man really on some chinese news channel? It seemed so real. I tend to believe some Chinese really think like that. I tried to speak to Chinese students in Germany about it and all I got was: We are not interested in politics. Any question of mine was left unanswered! Not thinking means no questioning means no harm. In that way, Chinese government is very efficient in keeping their system in place.

Kanda rihu

15y

Most of us know what's meant by profanity: the bad words. Cluster F-Bombs and the like.

typhonsentra

15y

I don't think this is a rerun. It's just a video that's been on the official site since November and just didn't get posted here yet.

Marniespeaks

15y

I suppose this would be funnier if it wasn't so true.

UnicornandPie

15y

No it's not I can understand everything he say's just fine without the subtitles. Well, maybe some pronunciation is a little off...

MochaSplats [Formerly Kittymimi200]

12y

hahhahahah oh wow he's actually saying the right translations.

Eff Effden

15y

Wasn't this posted before? Oh well, still a great video.

Kirt Fitzpatrick

The only part he got wrong was thinking that social score in china wouldn't be a thing.

Ryan Reilly

15y

lol. A chinese guy named Andy Rooney playing sympathetic to the tradition of chinese government authoritarians and tyrants... Somehow please explain to me how it would be possible to miss this joke?

Simo

15y

All hail Chairman Cheng!!

L00NGB00W

14y

This just in... Scientists report that cow's milk is one of the gateway foods leading to marijuana use. Over 86% of marijuana smokers report having ingested milk regularly or at least once earlier in thier lives.

NoisemakerArrow

13y

@darkvision1 Technology doesn't mean education or wealth. And Chinese wages are going up, so some companies are already relocating to India, Bangladesh, Vietnam, etc. Most countries can meet the world's production demands, just not at the lowest possible price. When you don't give a shit about the workers or the environment, (or the customers who will get your toxic products) you can make stuff pretty cheaply. And the West has too much regulation and too high taxes, which chase capital out.

u0455294

15y

The Onion's communist videos are some of the best.

ihateuutube

15y

He is speaking in a dialect very close to Beijing Mandarin. The guy who said it is comparable to the difference between American and Australian English is pretty close. It is easily understandable. The translation is quite literal and almost word-for-word.

Zanethra

15y

Is it just me or this isn't even a language ? it just seems too "random" for me. XD

WHSfightclub

15y

possibly funnist thing ive ever seen

Coribec

13y↑18

@zjglfleo It's only funny if you watch it in a free country.

Adrian Grosvenor

13y

Funny thing the last thing he said is true

Pokemoki

14y

if your grumbling at the syntax, then i think youve missed the point of the video completly.

alkennick

14y

your talking about opportunity to steal from the rich which is not really "equal opportunity" primarily because it discourages success

351cleavland

12y↑1

@TheMagmagoblin That's just it man! They DIDN'T commit the crime. The A-Team was framed! And then they were pursued by the evil yet diligent general guy. It still pisses me off! Oh, the injustice.

IconMatthew1

15y

very clever

FasciaMan

15y

Don't get me wrong, Onion News is awesome!! It's part of what makes America great. But the mandarin in this clip....it's horrible!!!! it's not onion worthy....