Following the dissolution of her synth-pop band Y Kant Tori Read, Amos composed 12 songs, recorded them at Capitol Records in Los Angeles with Davitt Sigerson producing, and in June 1990 submitted them for copyright.
Amos approached Atlantic Records in December 1990 with a 10-track demo tape, some being newer songs but mostly ones from June. The track listing consisted of Russia (later to become Take to the Sky), Mary, Crucify, Happy Phantom, Leather, Winter, Sweet Dreams, Song for Eric, Learn to Fly and Flying Dutchman. Atlantic was unhappy with the songs, and in response Amos and her then boyfriend Eric Rosse recorded some new songs, including Girl, Precious Things, Tear In Your Hand and Little Earthquakes. The song Take Me With You was recorded during these sessions, but not released until 2006 (with re-recorded vocals.) This session was recorded on a limited budget in Rosse's home studio, using his 3M 24-track analog tape machine and a Yamaha CP-80 piano. Amos and Rosse also went to Stag Studios to use a Yamaha grand piano. Satisfied with these recordings, Atlantic determined that the album Little Earthquakes would have 13 tracks, removing Learning to Fly and adding four from the December recording session.
Amos moved to London to work with Ian Stanley; Atlantic thought Amos would have an easier time of achieving success, because of English appreciation for eccentric performers. Here she recorded what would become two of her early singles. Me And A Gun was the last song written for the album, while China was an early track, originally titled Distance, that she wrote in 1987.
The second final version of the album was accepted by the record company. However, this was still revised before the final release; a 13-track promo cassette shows that the song Little Earthquakes was to appear after Happy Phantom on side one, with side two closing with Flying Dutchman. The latter track was presumably dropped due to the physical restraints of the vinyl LP format.
Atlantic's European counterpart, East West, promoted the record extensively. Amos spent much of 1991 performing in small bars and clubs in London and playing for music executives and journalists, often in her own apartment. The Me and a Gun EP containing four tracks was released in October 1991, receiving considerable critical attention. The single was re-issued the following month with Silent All These Years as the lead composition, and it became her first chart entry at UK number 51 following Single of the Week support from BBC Radio 1 and a TV debut on the high-rated chat show of Jonathan Ross on Channel 4. The back cover of the album contains pictures of phallus mushrooms, also known as stinkhorns.
Crucify
Tori Amos Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Got a kick for a dog
Begging for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says, "Will you ever learn?
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird"
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Please be
Save me
I cry
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains
Why do we, in chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Crucify ourselves, everyday (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Oh, chains, oh yeah (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Yeah, chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again, no (why do we crucify ourselves?)
To crucify myself again, you know (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again
To crucify myself, everyday
In Tori Amos's song Crucify, the lyrics explore themes of self-doubt, guilt, and the need for salvation. The opening lines of the song, "Every finger in the room is pointing at me. I wanna spit in their faces, then I get afraid of what that could bring," suggest that the singer is feeling judged or criticized by those around her. This is further reinforced by the lines, "Nothing I do is good enough for you," indicating a sense of inadequacy and a perceived need to meet the expectations of others.
The metaphor of crucifixion is also used repeatedly throughout the song, with the singer referring to herself as a "victim" and "empty cage girl," and expressing a desire to "drive another nail in" and be "crucified." These lyrics suggest a belief in the need for suffering and sacrifice in order to achieve redemption or salvation.
The line, "Got enough guilt to start my own religion," adds another layer to the theme of self-blame, implying a sense of overwhelming guilt or responsibility. This is contrasted with the plea for help in the lines, "Please be save me, I cry," suggesting a desire for relief or deliverance from this self-imposed burden.
Overall, the lyrics of Crucify paint a complex portrait of a person struggling with their own perceived shortcomings and seeking salvation through sacrifice and suffering.
Line by Line Meaning
Every finger in the room
Is pointing at me
I feel like everyone is judging me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I want to lash out but I'm afraid of the consequences
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I am nervous and scared, and my courage has abandoned me
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
I have been searching for someone to save me but instead, I keep finding ways to hurt myself
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
I am constantly punishing myself and it's becoming unbearable for my heart that is now tired of being trapped in my emotions
Got a kick for a dog
Begging for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says, "Will you ever learn?
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird"
I am addicted to pain and loneliness because it helps me feel worthy, and I fear that if I stop, I will be empty and meaningless
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
I continue to seek out someone to save me, but the guilt I feel makes me feel like I don't deserve to be saved
Please be
Save me
I cry
I beg for someone to help me and offer me a way out of my suffering
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
I keep hoping for someone to save me from my pain, but no one comes to help
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains
I continue to punish myself even though nothing I do is ever enough for others or for myself. My heart is growing tired of being trapped in this cycle
Why do we, in chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Crucify ourselves, everyday (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Oh, chains, oh yeah (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Yeah, chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again, no (why do we crucify ourselves?)
To crucify myself again, you know (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again
To crucify myself, everyday
I understand that it's time to stop crucifying myself, but it's hard to break out of this cycle. I don't want to go back to hurting myself every day
Lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing
Written by: Tori Amos
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind