I Want A New Duck
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics
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I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night
I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat
One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape
I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink
I want a new duck
One that won't steal my beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here
One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down baby
Get it?
I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce
I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt to much
One that won't smell too fowl
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah
"Weird Al" Yankovic's song I Want A New Duck is a humorous take on the idea of wanting to replace something that we've grown accustomed to. In this case, the thing being replaced is the pet duck, and the reasons for wanting a new one range from the duck biting, chewing holes in socks, quacking all night, stealing beer, and more. Rather than simply wanting a duck that doesn't exhibit these problematic behaviors, the singer seems to be looking for a more perfect duck. They want a duck that won't raid the icebox or build a nest in the bathroom sink, one that's never going to try to migrate or escape, and one that knows the duck stops here. The singer wants a pet that is obedient and well-behaved, but also has an understanding of its place in the household.
Despite the specific requests the singer has for their new pet duck, the song is ultimately about the humorous frustration we can experience when something we've grown to love (in this case, a pet duck) becomes too much to handle. The song's rhyming lyrics and upbeat melody make it a fun and catchy tune to sing along with, even if you aren't in the market for a new duck of your own.
Line by Line Meaning
I want a new duck
I desire to have a new duck as my pet
One that won't try to bite
This new duck should not have a tendency to bite people
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
I prefer a duck that does not have a habit of chewing holes in socks
One that won't quack all night
I do not want a duck that quacks incessantly during the night
One with big webbed feet
The new duck should have large webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
This duck should have the ability to clean my car thoroughly on its own
And keep his room real neat
The duck's living area should always be clean and arranged
One that won't raid the ice box
The duck should not be constantly taking food from the fridge
One that'll stay in shape
This duck should maintain a fit body and exercise regularly
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
This new duck must not make any escape attempts or begin its migration journey on its own
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape
In case the duck tries to escape or misbehaves, I might have to bind it up with duct tape
A mallard I think
I want the specific duck breed called 'mallard'
One that won't make a mess of my house
The duck needs to be trained to not ruin things around the house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink
The duck should not construct its nest in bathroom sinks
One that won't steal my beer
The duck should not drink any of my beer without my permission
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
The new duck must not try to open or poke its bill into my mail
One that knows the duck stops here
The duck should be aware that it cannot leave the agreed-upon area
One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
The duck should not bother me by constantly pacing around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
It would be great if the new duck can help me learn to swim and avoid drowning incidents
And show me how to get down
The duck should teach me some dance moves
Get it?
Do you understand?
Not a swan or a goose
I only want a duck as my pet, not any other water bird, like a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
I prefer a male mallard duck that I can dress up attractively
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce
I have decided to keep the name 'Bruce' for my new pet duck
Not a quail or an owl
Again, I reiterate, I only want a duck, and not any other bird, like quail or an owl
One that won't molt too much
The new duck should not shed too many feathers frequently
One that won't smell too fowl
The duck should have low body odor or should not stink too bad
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
The duck should not keep asking for food, especially for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
The duck should not laze around or occupy space for long periods of time
He'd better mind his manners
The pet duck must follow basic good behavior practices
Better do just what I say
The new pet duck must obey all the commands I give
Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah
If he misbehaves or disobeys me, the duck might end up becoming my next dish - a dish called 'duck pâté'
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: CHRISTOPHER JOHN HAYES, HUEY LEWIS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind