For A Million Pounds
Kunt and the Gang Lyrics

Would you buy shares in Northern Rock?
Will you purchase Northern Rock's stocks?

No i wouldn′t, definitely not
Absolutely not, I wouldn't.

Would you kiss Verne Troyer on his midget's cock?
Will you kiss Verne Troyer's genitalia because of his dwarfism?

No I wouldn′t, definitely not
I definitely wouldn't do it.

Would you call the Krays a pair of cunts?
Will you insult the Krays by calling them despicable people?

No I wouldn't, definitely not
Definitely not, I'd never do it.

Would you suck the goodness out a tramp's y-fronts?
Will you suck the dirt off a homeless person's underwear?

No I wouldn′t, definitely not
I would never consider doing that.

But what if i came up to you and offered you a millions pounds to do
What if I offer you a million pounds to do something unexpected?

Something you wouldn′t usually do?
Something you wouldn't normally consider doing?

What, like tread barefoot in dog's poo?
Like walking barefoot on dog poop?

Yeah, I suppose
Yes, I guess I would.

Alright i would, i fucking would
Fine, I would do it without hesitation.

If you gave me a million pounds
On the condition that you give me a million pounds in return.

I′d go on my knees and eat cock cheese
I would crouch and consume an unpleasant substance.

Because i'd have a million pounds
Because I'll have a vast sum of money in return.

Could you listen to Westlife for more than an hour?
Can you tolerate listening to Westlife for over an hour?

Yes i could, for a million pounds
Yes, for a million pounds, I could do it.

Would you let Pat Wicks give you a golden shower?
Are you willing to receive a sexual act called a golden shower from Pat Wicks?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
Yes, I would endure it for a million pounds paid to me.

Would you fill your pants up with broken glass?
Would you put sharp pieces of glasses into your pants?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
Yes, I am willing to do it for a million pounds.

Would you suck a fart out of John Prescott′s arse?
Will you inhale a fart out of John Prescott's anus?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
I would do it, for a million pounds payment to me.

I'd cut my cock off with a rusty saw
I would slice my penis with a rusty saw.

Have a pool party with Barrymore,
Celebrate a party at a pool with Barrymore,

Eat raw offal from Beadle′s claw
Consume raw guts of Beadle from his claw.

Do Anne Widdecombe bareback and not withdraw
Have sex with Anne Widdecombe without using protection.

For a million smackers I'd slice off my knackers
For a million amounts of money, I would mercilessly cut my testicles.

And sew em back on the other way round
Then stitch it again upside down.

He wouldn't care if he was spunking out backwards
It wouldn't matter even if he ejaculated testicles backward.

Cos he′d have a million pounds
Because he will have millions of pounds in his possession.

Would you drink a glass of Freddie Mercury's jizz?
Will you consume a glass of Freddie Mercury's semen?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
Yes, I would take that action for a million pounds.

Would you show Ainsley with your finger where his walnut is?
Are you willing to touch Ainsley's genitals with your finger?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
Yes, I will touch it for a large sum of money.

Would you eat a little pebble of human shit?
Will you consume a small piece of human feces?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
Yes. I would do it for a large amount of money.

Would you kiss a bag lady on the clit?
Will you give a bag lady a kiss on her genitalia?

Yes i would, for a million pounds
I would kiss the old lady for a substantial amount of money.

I′d cover up for Gary Glitter,
I'd hide the inappropriate actions of Gary Glitter.

Eat a whole tray of cat litter
Eat an entire tray of cat poop.

Poke some barbed wire up my shitter
Insert barbed wire into my rectum.

Trust Jimmy Saville as me babysitter
Believing Jimmy Saville as my trustworthy babysitter.

Harold Shipman can have my nan
Harold Shipman can take my grandmother.

I′d wed Vanessa Feltz and have her as my spouse
I would marry Vanessa Feltz and make her my partner.

I'd let my kids sleepover at Michael Jackson′s house
I'd permit my children to have a sleepover at Michael Jackson's residence.

I'd shit up in the air, like a Japanese lady
Defecate in mid-air like a Japanese person.

I'd take an unprotected bumming off of Paul o'Grady
I'd allow unprotected anal sex with Paul O'Grady.

I′d drink a glass of period and smell Shane Mcgowan's breath
I'd consume menstrual blood and perceive Shane McGowan's breath odor.

I′d leggit into an old people's home dressed up as death
I'd escape into an elder care facility disguised as death.

I′d spend a day picking bits out of Jo Brand's twat
Spend a day removing things from Jo Brand's vagina.

I′d be a spunk bucket hostage round Boy George's flat
I'd be held captive in Boy George's apartment to collect semen.

I'd shoot Barack Obama, share a flat with Jeffrey Dahmer
Shoot Barack Obama and cohabitate with Jeffrey Dahmer.

I′d shag Shannon Matthew′s mum in her gob then up the bum
Have sex with Shannon Matthews' mother's mouth and anus.

I'd change my name to Fred West and start a club up for incest
Change name to Fred West and organize an incestuous club.

I′d lick around the holes of Camilla Parker-Bowles
Lick around the orifices of Camilla Parker-Bowles.

Cos I'd have a million pounds
Because I'll have a million pounds in my possession.

Yes, I′d have a million pounds
The whole song is about people willing to do unpleasant actions for a large amount of money.