Growing up in Malibu, California, she began learning the violin at the age of four and left regular school five years later with the goal of becoming a world-class violinist; she practiced eight or nine hours a day and read a wide range of literature. Progressing to writing her own music, she studied under various teachers and went to Indiana University, which she left over issues regarding the relationship between classical music and the appearance of the performer. Through her own independent label Traitor Records, Autumn debuted with her classical album On a Day: Music for Violin & Continuo, followed by the release in 2003 of her album Enchant.
She appeared in singer Courtney Love's backing band on her 2004 America's Sweetheart tour and returned to Europe. She released the 2006 album Opheliac with the German label Trisol Music Group. In 2007, she released Laced/Unlaced; the re-release of On a Day... appeared as Laced with songs on the electric violin as Unlaced. She later left Trisol to join New York-based The End Records in 2009 and release Opheliac in the United States, where previously it had only been available as an import. Currently she is on tour to promote her newest album Fight Like A Girl. She played the role of Painted Doll in Darren Lynn Bousman's 2012 film The Devil's Carnival.
Homesick Sonnets
Emilie Autumn Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
In times of warmth
When love and comfort dear
Have cast their blindless light upon my star
How is it
That I wish to disappear
And find myself again
Back where you are?
And how then did you earn your house that name
When judged by years it's relatively new?
My home is not my home here just the same
And so I will be happy as I must
Although without you
Sugar tastes as dust
Sonnet II
What sweetened torture I endure each day
When hour after hour passes by
And still I feel so very far away
From that which I desire
Yes, thee and I
Yet rosy is my sadness
For ere now
I never had pined after someone’s touch
Nor eyes
Nor lips
Nor hands
Nor raven brow
And here I am
Missing almost too much
My paradox is that I weep at this
While being glad I have a love to miss
Sonnet III
Heartsick have I been
This long, long day
Heavy is my disposition
Yet, I smile
And try my best to hide away
The pain
The life
The love I can’t forget
Sorry am I
For the ones I fool
They ask for nothing save my company
And yet I cannot seem to break the rule
That sayeth once I love
Twice bound I’ll be
Alas, I often slip
And to them show
That far away
My heart desires to go
Sonnet IV
It seems only a moment past
I listened to the dulcet tone
Of thy too far off voice at last
But now I find myself alone
Yet, my eyes closed
I am not so
For underneath my fingertips
I feel your flesh
Caressing slow
And hold thy tongue between my lips
Past caring how forlorn it seems
I’ll sleep to meet you in my dreams
Sonnet V
A cold wind ravages my mind
As though I were
A blade of grass
Which, rained upon
Has been made blind
And waits now for the storm to pass
But, strange
The closer cometh I
To travel's end and your embrace
The darker seems to go the sky
The further off seemeth your face
'Tis trying
When in pain, to rhyme
'Tis harder still to measure time
The song "Homesick Sonnets" by Emilie Autumn is a collection of five sonnets that reflect the singer's longing for her lover. In Sonnet 1, the singer expresses her desire to be with her lover even though she is in a place that provides her with comfort and warmth. She questions if home can only be called home if her lover is with her. In Sonnet 2, the singer acknowledges that she is experiencing the pain of being far away from her love but takes solace in the fact that she has found someone to miss. The sweetness of the pain shows that she is in love. In Sonnet 3, the singer is trying to hide her pain and sorrow from the people around her. She apologizes for those who care about her and try to help her but she is unable to forget her love. In Sonnet 4, the singer remembers the love she has shared with her lover, but now lies alone, trying to recollect her lover's touch, which she can only find in her dreams. In the final sonnet of the collection, Sonnet 5, the singer feels lost and disconnected from the world around her. She feels like "a blade of grass" waiting for a storm to pass, and she finds it challenging to come up with words to express her pain.
Line by Line Meaning
In times of warmth
During times of happiness and comfort
When love and comfort dear
When I'm surrounded with love and comfort
Have cast their blindless light upon my star
Have blinded me with their brightness
How is it
Why is it
That I wish to disappear
That I want to disappear
And find myself again
And return to myself
Back where you are?
To be with you
Is it that home is only home with you?
Is it because home is only home when I'm with you?
And how then did you earn your house that name
And how did you give your house that name
When judged by years it's relatively new?
When it is considered relatively new compared to others
My home is not my home here just the same
This place doesn't feel like home to me either way
And so I will be happy as I must
And so I will try to be happy the way I can
Although without you
Even though you're not here
Sugar tastes as dust
Everything tastes bland without you
What sweetened torture I endure each day
How torturous it is to feel the sweetness of love every day
When hour after hour passes by
As time passes
And still I feel so very far away
And yet I still feel far away from you
From that which I desire
From the thing I desire
Yes, thee and I
Yes, you and I
Yet rosy is my sadness
Yet, my sadness is tinged with a hint of sweetness
For ere now
For before now
I never had pined after someone’s touch
I've never yearned for someone's touch like this before
Nor eyes
Nor their eyes
Nor lips
Nor their lips
Nor hands
Nor their hands
Nor raven brow
Nor their dark hair
And here I am
But here I am
Missing almost too much
Missing you to the point of almost being unbearable
My paradox is that I weep at this
It's a paradox that I feel sadness because of this love
While being glad I have a love to miss
But I'm also glad to have a love that is worth missing
Heartsick have I been
I have been very sick at heart
This long, long day
Throughout this entire day
Heavy is my disposition
I feel weighed down with sadness
Yet, I smile
But I force a smile
And try my best to hide away
And try to hide my pain
The pain
My pain
The life
My life
The love I can’t forget
The love that I can't forget
Sorry am I
I am sorry
For the ones I fool
For the people I deceive
They ask for nothing save my company
All they want is to be with me
And yet I cannot seem to break the rule
But I can't seem to stop
That sayeth once I love
That says once I love someone
Twice bound I’ll be
I'll be bound to them forever
Alas, I often slip
But unfortunately, I often slip
And to them show
And I show them
That far away
That I'm far away in my mind
My heart desires to go
That my heart desires to be with you
It seems only a moment past
It seems like only a moment ago
I listened to the dulcet tone
I listened to the sweet sound
Of thy too far off voice at last
Of your voice, which is too far away
But now I find myself alone
But now I'm alone
Yet, my eyes closed
But even when my eyes are closed
I am not so
I'm not really alone
For underneath my fingertips
Because I can feel your skin
I feel your flesh
I feel your body
Caressing slow
Being caressed slowly
And hold thy tongue between my lips
I hold your tongue between my lips
Past caring how forlorn it seems
Regardless of how sad it seems
I’ll sleep to meet you in my dreams
I'll sleep and hope to meet you in my dreams
A cold wind ravages my mind
My mind is being plagued by a cold wind of sadness
As though I were
As if I am
A blade of grass
A thin and weak blade of grass
Which, rained upon
Which has been rained upon
Has been made blind
Now blind
And waits now for the storm to pass
And now waits for the storm to end
But, strange
But what's strange is that
The closer cometh I
The closer I get
To travel's end and your embrace
To the end of this journey and your embrace
The darker seems to go the sky
The darker the sky seems to become
The further off seemeth your face
The further away your face appears
'Tis trying
It's difficult
When in pain, to rhyme
When I'm in pain, to find the words to rhyme
'Tis harder still to measure time
It's even harder to keep track of time
Contributed by Joseph V. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
bubbles4good
i feel like im in another world. she takes me away from the pain and depression. and brings me to a whole new place.
Maria Arteaga
Oh My God!! This poem it's what I'm feeling at this time.
Lisa Cucchetti
She's trying to make it sound nice. Sound worthy of it's written words. Not smug. She wrote it, it's awesome, and she knows it, so she shows it.
Manuel Moreno
i really like these poems; but does anyone else think Emilie Autumn sounds a bit smug in them? XD